What I’m learning about grief
is that it sits in the space between laughs
comes in the dark steals the warmth from the bed covers
threads sleep with thin tendrils
is a hauntingly familiar song,
yet I can’t remember the words…
What I’m learning about grief
I learned a long time ago.
Knead grief, as you would bread.
Weave grief, as you would thread.
(excerpts from a crowdsourced poem, “If the Trees Can Keep Dancing, So Can I”, shared on NPR’s Morning Edition, 4/30/20)
Well, I did not have “In-person worship stops after March 15 until further notice” and “A pandemic calls for social distancing for the last three and a half months of your appointment” on my Wayland UMC bingo card.
The Coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic has overtaken us. And it is dominating the remaining months we have together as a pastoral family and congregation. Though I hope it is not the case, there is an outside chance that we will not gather for worship again before Beverly and I leave. We are scheduled to move out of the parsonage on Tuesday, June 16, and move into the Greenville parsonage the next day. Our last Sunday worship is scheduled for June 21.
There is power and there is truth in lamenting the losses related to the pandemic. This is grieving because it’s bad. And as a congregation, we are entering a pastoral transition that prompts another kind of grief.
The grief I feel in leaving Wayland is because it’s been good to be here. I am grateful for what we have learned and known and loved together.
My call to ministry is grounded in grief. In my grief for my grandpa, I experienced the first stirring of ministry awareness while shooting baskets on my grandparents’ farm after he died in the mid-1970s. I miss him and so remember the love and acceptance he showed me. This is grief because it’s good. And it is grief “I learned a long time ago.”
It is one way I feel Jesus’ words on the Sermon-Mountain in Matthew: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
There is so much to celebrate and remember in our six-year season of ministry.
- Beverly and I had breakfast the very first day at Effie Greenawalt’s home and met Lee, Roxie, Wade, and Rex.
- Sandi and Gary Ragan introduced us to the Hotel Bar & Grill and the Firehouse for seasonal breakfasts.
- The main events of the Harvest Dinner, Henderson Settlement, Mega-Sports Camp, and Amazing Arts Academy.
- Our faithful staff members: Kimberly Wolff, Theresa Bodenberg, Wilma Straight, and musicians, Ellen Messner, Danny Reeves, Somi Yoon, Andria Savara, Roxie Muczynski, and Mitchell Lapham.
- Our Certified Lay Speaker (Ron Thebo) and Certified Lay Servant (Gwyn Meisenbach) as reliable spiritual and worship leaders when Beverly and I were gone.
- Beverly and the handbell choirs, and Ellie Bayer and our seasonal choirs (full of Ellie’s exciting energy).
- The baptisms, weddings, funerals (thank you, Margaret Smith, for meal planning), and regular worship services (including the Living Advent Wreath, Bea Stewart’s bulletin boards, Roxie Muczynski’s sanctuary designs, children’s messages, my 30-year ministry celebration (thank you, Jon & Sue Jensen), losses of power, and that empty communion bread plate just as Keith Kohtz was ready to be served).
- Adult Sunday School and Bea Stewart’s estimate that it would take us about 22 years to get through the Bible at our pace of study.
- The adult small group that grew out of Jon Jensen’s spiritual journey.
- The recognition dinners for First Responders and Educators, Chili-Cook Offs (thank you, Wayne and Laurie Trainor), Graduate recognitions, and Baccalaureate services.
- Native American Ministry Sundays of shared worship and meals with Bradley and Salem UMCs.
- Seasonal study and worship with United Church.
- Breakfasts with Paul Schloop the morning of Ad Council/Finance Team meetings.
- Children’s Church thanks to Beverly, Sue Schloop, Sue Jensen, Vanessa Dodson, Becky Villarreal, Gwyn Meisenbach, and Tammy Button.
- Eagle Scout awards for Landon Kohtz and Mitchell Lapham.
- Harry Smith fixing anything that needed fixing at the parsonage.
- Kelvin Lapham faithfully plowing snow for the church and parsonage.
- Landon Kohtz and Roxie and Dennis Muczynski mowing the church and parsonage lawns.
- The early ice cream social at Donna and Bob Priestap’s home and annual ice cream socials at Paul and Robin Nyenhuis’ home.
- Traveling to/from Bradley and Carlisle UMCs with Wade Greenawalt for communion preparation.
- Being overwhelmed (in a good way) by opening the church as a rain site for the Kiwanis’ Easter Egg Hunt and being the site for an impromptu community memorial service for Jason Morgan.
- And so many more…
On the personal side, you have been our Church family through my dad’s death in 2015, Sarah’s and Flo’s wedding in 2017, and the births of three grandchildren in 2015, 2017, and 2019. In her social work vocation, Beverly has moved from Metro Health Hospital to Easter Seals to Hope Network. And you have allowed me the time to serve beyond the local church with the Division of Higher Education & Campus Ministry, mentoring ministry candidates, Friends of the Henika District Library, and two Midwest District teams. We have gone up, up, and away thanks to the Kohtz family, and I was drenched at their house in the Ice Bucket Challenge. We consulted with Mickala Kohtz on bats in the parsonage garage. We have been out on Lake Michigan with Paul and Susan Schloop. We have enjoyed the annual 4th of July delicious fish fry at the Meisenbachs. We got our Christmas tree each year off the Scouts’ parade float.
Deep breath…
I am re-reading one of the few books from which I have learned genuinely new ideas in these most recent years of ministry. It is called Watershed Discipleship: Reinhabiting Bioregional Faith and Practice. The editor, Ched Myers, reflects on the connection of learning, knowing, loving, and saving sacred places:
Almost a half a century ago, Senegalese environmentalist Baba Dioum suggested that at the root of our pathology is a crisis of affection. To paraphrase him: “We won’t save places we don’t love, we can’t love places we don’t know, and we don’t know places we haven’t learned” (Ched Myers, ed. Watershed Discipleship: Reinhabiting Bioregional Faith and Practice, 16; my emphasis).
As I mentioned, I am grateful for what we have learned and known and loved together.
Grieving because it’s bad or good can be exhausting. Jesus knew the weight that comes with faithful living and striving and loving and invited us to a transformed life: “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
We have found our way by learning from and following Jesus in these years of ministry and I am grateful for the privilege of serving as your pastor.
I want to grieve more out of gratitude than lament, but I know both are woven within me. While we may miss gathering with you in person, please know how thankful Beverly and I are for being the Church with you these last six years. We are happy and excited for Pastor Paul & Ashleigh Reissmann to enter into life and ministry with you.
While I know the location of Wayland UMC is on the corner of Church and Maple (as it has been since 1864), I will remember living at this kind of intersection with all of you.
